I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
