Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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