census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
