two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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