I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
