I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize