im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
