Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
