wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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