I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
