i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
