I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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