His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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