if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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