I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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