I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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