Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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