Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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