Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
