I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We got so high we made milksteak
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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