He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Never joke about your clitoris.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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