im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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