Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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