I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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