A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize