dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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