Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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