hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
