I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why didn't you poke me back
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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