DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize