so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
