Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
