I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize