So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
