On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
