Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
