every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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