Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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