Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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