there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
