just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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