my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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