She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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