You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
