oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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