Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
