SEEEEXXX PLEASE
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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