I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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