Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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