You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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