whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
