I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
