Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
