no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
