Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
