dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
