I want to have your abortion
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
