watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
