Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
