Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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