Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
