I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
