His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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