I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
