first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
