Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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