i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
