i was born a porn star she said
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
