remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
His nipple licking is glorious
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