I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I need a beard to bite.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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