I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
porn star boner night. come get it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
