The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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