My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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