Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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