So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She's the barista slut.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
