possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
