Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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