Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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