Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
