i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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