There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
