i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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