I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
