did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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