Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
there is puke in my bra ... again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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