Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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