i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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