Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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