You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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