We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
