There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
