After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
