Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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