Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
