Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
