Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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